Oh weekend...I'm so glad you're here. I haven't quite figured out what it is mentally about the weekends that makes them so anticipation-inducing, or so physically refreshing. I guess it may be just that-the idea that there is something different about these two days of weekend that make us able to slow down a little, to not expect quite so much from ourselves. This may not be true for everyone - I know for many, weekends are time for yard work, cleaning, or whatever else their weeks were just a little too busy for. With some exceptions, Ben and I usually designate weekends as time to relax, rest, enjoy. Although lately my weeks have not been very busy or eventful, I still find myself looking forward to the weekend's pace and change in schedule.
Lately, it feels likes my life is full of quiet moments, more than anything else. I know usually we speak of quiet as a rare, sought after luxury. And I agree - it is all too rare in our fast-paced, noisy world. However, summer has brought a deep quietness that I have not experienced in a long time - if ever, to this degree. I suppose what I mean is not just a quietness around me, but a quietness within me as well. I've had some moments this summer of recognizing that quiet as peace-contentedness, acceptance. I am finally okay with the state of myself, my life, my next steps and the change that comes with them. Yet another thing that always eludes me about life is that ever-present sense of doubt. Is the quiet too quiet? Is it because I'm boring? Bored? Unmotivated? Not busy enough? Not embracing life around me?
And then, I draw myself back to reality in moments like this - the only reality one who follows Christ and/or for anyone who truly embraces the mystery of life as inevitable - trust. Trust. In God, trust in quietness as being okay, trust in myself to know myself well enough to know if something is off, and trust in the forward movement of life to not always be very quiet - and maybe therefore, to embrace it while it is abundant in my life right now.
Maybe I am alone in this suspicion of quiet. Or maybe it is reflective of a world that is hardly quiet, so that when we do have blissful quiet, we don't know how to embrace it. Or live well in it, like I'm finding myself struggling to do right now.
As fall comes (one of my favorite seasons), I realize that is often one of the busiest times in my year. The onset of holidays, school, switching over of wardrobes, and new forms of yard maintenance to do. So maybe, just maybe, I can enjoy this last glimmer of summer, and quiet, as a blessing to refresh me before this exciting, busy fall time begins, and so I will - try.