a messy, beautiful holiday season.

I'm sitting here on our soft, leather love seat, with the lights on our Christmas tree and our few, scattered lamps providing the only light in the room.  And as I'm sitting here, trying to wind down after the work day, trying to think about what else I need to do to be ready for work tomorrow, to clean up the house, to make for dinner tomorrow - my thoughts keep going back to how the holidays always seem to bring pain along the joy.  It's as if every year, in the midst of buying and wrapping gifts, lighting advent candles, hanging ornaments and putting up greenery, stories of the pain and loss of those we know and love also must come along for the holiday season, balancing out the sense of joy with a feeling of sadness, and calling us to share not only gifts but also the burdens of those we love.

This season, the tree is as bright as ever, and the holiday season is ever so sweet, but it also brings with it stories of sadness in the lives of those we love…the loss of our friends' father, the loss of a child, and a broken marriage keeps reminding us this season that life is painful, too.  At church on Sunday evening, we heard these same sentiments echoed from those around us, sharing the concerns, hurts, and brokenness of loved ones that inevitably share our thoughts this holiday season.

One thing I've learned in life is that pain and heartache cannot be avoided, and should not be avoided, because they shape and grow us in ways we cannot anticipate until we have gone through them.  I feel as though Ben and I have been spared many of the sorrows that others face, but we still feel it for them, and with them, and each experience our own little sorrows along the way.  One of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, writes that there are three things she has learned to be true in life:  that we are messy, ruined people; that we are loved beyond imagining; and that we are in control of so little.

The holidays this year seem to be a reminder of that for me.  In the midst of celebrating the holiday, I cannot hold back the hurt that will inevitably enter the lives of those I love,  and I can't solve the world's problems, or even my own, at times.  But I can trust that along with the hard times, come good times, and that I am loved beyond what I can understand.   Along with the bitter, comes the sweet, and when it feels as though it has been raining forever, the sun breaks through.

I think it's fitting, somehow, that pain enters the holiday season.  Jesus' birth was likely not a beautiful, cozy, peaceful event.  It was a birth - and that means messy, dirty, painful, and certainly not silent.  There was hay, barn dirt, farm animals, and I'm sure more than a little fear and uncertainty in Mary and Joseph's minds about what was going to happen next.  An empire, the status quo, and old ways were being overthrown - and a new way of loving God and each other was being ushered in - with this painful, beautiful, messy birth of a baby boy named Jesus.

Sometimes I think about what I would say to my younger self, looking back at the past couple years of my life.  The thing I usually settle on is something like this - "Don't be afraid.  Yes, there are hard times in life, there will be anxiety, fear of not measuring up, and brokenness in relationships and lives.  That comes with the territory.  But there are also joyful moments, so full of life and love and amazement that you have to be thankful for the painful ones because they help you to realize and fully experience joy with a thankful heart."

If you're also feeling the weight of brokenness along with the joy this season, let these words be for you too.  Experience the bitter along with the sweet, the night along with the morning.  Let the hurt draw you close to the One who entered the world to bring a kind of love to your life that cannot measured or held, but must be received and given.

We are Broken Fragments

(In response to a Sunday evening service filled with sharing, tears, and brokenness)

We are broken fragments; 

at times, near tears, and sighing 

under the weight of the burdens we carry.

Healer of our every ill, light of each tomorrow,

give us peace beyond our fear, and hope beyond our sorrow.

We are broken fragments; 

and we are hurting; 

at times, we are quiet, consumed by our fear

of stigmas, of vulnerability, of others' opinions of us.

Come unto me, all who are weary,

and I will give you rest.

We are broken fragments;

some of us in small pieces, shattered by broken dreams,

missed opportunities, and daily struggles;

others rebuilding, mending from past hurts,

moving toward wholeness day by day.

Lord, let us be swept into Your current of love.

We are broken fragments;

some of us reaching out, yearning for Your touch;

others of us are just here, 

waiting to be seen, known, and understood.

Your presence is my stay; 

a word of Your supporting breath 

drives all my fears away.

We are broken fragments; 

but in our brokenness, we are real, 

we are honest with ourselves

and with You.

Healer of our every ill, light of each tomorrow,

give us peace beyond our fear, and hope beyond our sorrow.

We are broken fragments;

fragile, but like glass, we reflect Your light,

shining on us, warming us, giving us comfort and courage;

working in our brokenness to form us 

into stained glass works of art

that will reflect Your hope, Your grace, and Your love

to all who will see.

Lord, make us instruments of your peace. 

Where there is blindness, we will pray for sight;

where there is darkness, we will shine His light.

We are broken fragments;

but daily we are being transformed into Your likeness.

In our brokenness, make us humble;

in our brokenness, make us vessels of Your love.

1, 5 - by Marty Haugen, 1987, GIA Publications, Inc.

2 - Matthew 11:28.

3 - © 1993 Expressions Of Praise Music.

4 - Isaac Watts, 1719.

Abide.

Ann Voskamp shared this song a few days ago, and ever since, I've been singing it constantly throughout my days.

Singing in the shower, singing while I read, humming while I rinse the dishes and do the laundry.

It is the most beautiful song.  I go to a church that sings hymns, so I have an appreciation for the meaningfulness of the words usually found in hymns.  But I love when someone can reframe a hymn in a beautiful, creative way.



Maybe you'll start singing this too...

...Lord, abide with us.

How to Feel Better on a Down Day: Tips from a Natural Worry Wort Trying to Live More Faithfully

Distract worry with music, or an audiobook - using noise to drown out the ‘noise of worry’ works!
Memorize Bible verses that comfort and remind you that character is built during hard times
Take care of yourself - exercise, stretch, and eat well.

Listen to the news or a boring audiobook to fall asleep at night
Don’t be afraid to wake up your spouse or call a friend if you can’t sleep.

Don’t look at Facebook when you feel bad about yourself!
Don’t compare yourself to someone else.

Watch a funny movie or sitcom.
Watch a serious movie - the cry will make you feel better.

Drink a small glass of wine before bed.
Don’t blame your spouse for not understanding how you feel.

Think of how you give grace to others when they make mistakes, and make the decision to give that same grace to yourself.
Go out to lunch with someone.
Take yourself out to a coffee shop to enjoy a good, hot drink, and a good book.

Love those around you, and yourself.

Why is it so hard to redefine beauty?

 I wrestle, almost daily, with the concept of beauty.  Am I trying hard enough to be beautiful? Am I trying too hard? Should I care?

Whatever answers I come up, the truth is that I flounder.  My resolve to not care about others' perceptions of beauty crumbles a little each time I see a women's magazine claiming to have the secret to thinner hips, fuller lips, and bigger eyes.  And then a little more when I walk by Victoria's Secret in the mall.  And the final hit comes when I turn on that darn tv and see women that look more like preteens than fully-grown women.

Although I don't care much for the media's perception of beauty in women, I don't fully blame it for the way I feel. Instead, I think of the twenty-first verse of Matthew 6: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (NIV)." Or as the New Living Translation frames it, "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."

I like the way the Forerunner Commentary explains the verse: "[Matthew] implies money, but the principle includes anything of such importance—apart from the Kingdom of God and His righteousness—that achieving it dominates our thinking, planning, and conduct."

Does beauty fall in this category for me, of dominating my thinking, my planning, and my conduct? Yes, yes, and yes. 

And this marks the important distinction for me when approaching the issue of beauty.  It isn't wrong for me to curl my hair in the morning, or to put on lipstick before going out to dinner.  But the worrying, even obsessing, about what my hair, face, or body looks like is where I go astray.  When I believe that my beauty is more important than my contribution to the kingdom of God here on this earth, I lose vital focus on the otherworldly priorities that Jesus calls us, as his followers, to cultivate.

Because no matter how smooth or frizzy my hair may be does not affect my ministry to those around me, and my relationships with my neighbors, unless I am thinking more about the former than the latter.  My physical appearance has nothing to do with my spiritual condition and my heart for those around me, unless I let become a hindrance.   

In my "Rachel-reading" of verse 21, I would say it like this: "Where your priorities and thoughts most often focus on, your passion, time, and habits will follow."

I've already started pinning my 2013 fitness plans and new hairstyles, but I'm going to put those on hold (not the exercise, just the perpetual pinning of ab-flattening routines!) while I focus on my heart and my habits.  I am going to practice choosing a definition of beauty that prioritizes a gentle heart, loving spirit, and hands that serve and reach out to those around me.

Lord God, create in me a new heart,
redefine in me a new definition and embodiment of beauty,
and fill my spirit with peace and contentment with who You have made me to be.  

Christmastime is here.

It feels so good to be back on the blog.  I've missed writing more and more, especially recently.  I find myself thinking about how I would write something that happened to me during the day, or how I'm feeling, and turning it into my latest imaginary "post."

I told some friends this the other day, and they asked me the obvious question - so, why don't you start writing again? So, here I am!

More to come soon - but for now, a few glimpses into the happenings this season at our home:

• Made a Pinterest craft with rolled magazine pages
• Decorated for the holidays
• Made Christmas cookies with family
• Finished my internship at the Department of Education last week with a trip to the White House!
• Worked on papers and applied to grad schools with my husband over many cups of coffee
•  Visited Amanda, my college roommate for all four years, and her husband Tyler in the hospital to meet their new little girl, Leah! We love her already...
• Got our Christmas tree!
• Went to the cabin with friends to just relax.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Rachel

Advocate for Economic Justice

15.1% of all Americans are in poverty.  That is the largest number since the Census Bureau started publishing poverty statistics 52 years ago! 

Not only that, but 20.5 million Americans are currently in "deep poverty" - which means they have an income of less than $11,150 for a family of four. 

As many as 49.9 million Americans are without health insurance.


When will we begin to speak out about the injustice that is happening in our country?  The growing gap between the income and wealth of the poor and that of the wealthiest is more unequal than at any other time since 1928 (right before the Great Depression).

I encourage you, actually urge you, to pre-order Ron Sider's newest book (coming out in March), Fixing the Moral Deficit: A Balanced Way to Balance the Budget.  You can order it here for a low price of $12.00!  I work for Dr. Sider as a research assistant, and although he has not asked me to promote his book in any way, as someone who has been able to preview the final copy, I have to say - you will learn so much  about economic injustice, the current problems that lead to the inequality between the rich and the poor, and a balanced, concrete set of proposals for what we can do as a country to work toward economic justice.   

If we want to ensure a better future for our neighbors, our children, and those who are the neediest among us, we must advocate for it.

The first step is knowledge - learning about the extent of the problem.  Did you know - the average CEO salary in 2010 was 185 times that of an average worker's pay?  In European countries, CEOs in similar positions earn 55% less than American CEOs do.

There are ways we can learn and do more:

• Read Ron Sider's new book - Fixing the Moral Deficit.  You can pre-order it here.

• Go to http://www.evangelicalsforsocialaction.org/page.aspx?pid=439 and read more, share it with friends and family, and find out what you can do to advocate for a more just society.  For other reading, check out this website.

• Read an earlier post I wrote about the defense budget and other concerns here; and in the "Labels" section of the site: mid-right column, check out "What's Really Important" for similar posts.

The Best and Worst Places for Women

Newsweek released a story in its most recent issue with ratings of the best and worst places in the world to be a woman.  #1?  Iceland.  #2,3,4:  Sweden, Canada, and Denmark.  Ratings were based on job equity, access to political office and rights, quality of education, policies affecting women, and women's health statistics.  The United States came in 8th, strong in education and job equity, but low in policies regarding maternal leave, etc.


The worst places?  Chad, Yemen, D.R. Congo, and Afghanistan.  Rape, domestic violence, and an inability to own property are legal.  Women's democratic rights and personal safety are severely at risk in these countries, with little or no political access, voting rights, or job equity.  As one reporter covering the results put it, things that we take for granted as human rights in most Western countries are not givens in these places.  In some of these places, to be a woman truly means to be a second-class citizen.

So what are some ways that we, as citizens of the world, can affect the livelihood of women around the world?  Here are a few organizations who work to advocate for women's rights and health initiatives around the world:

Kiva

Kiva is an organization which facilitates micro loans from people around the world to people in developing countries who write proposals requesting specific funds for starting up their businesses.  Detailed profiles are provided, and updates are sent via email to inform the lender about how the project is going.  Money is repaid by the borrower and put back in to your account, allowing you to recycle the repaid money to further loans.  For just $25, you can begin to loan and provide support to a woman in another country.  This is one of my favorite organizations, and with a 98.86% repayment rate, it has quite an incredible model!  For more, check it out here.

MCC

MCC sends workers to serve in countries around the world, with a number of initiatives regarding healthcare, education, engineering, social services, and ministry.  Their New Life Project provides education and literacy skills to women in Bangladesh who formerly were forced into the sex-trafficking trade.  For a $25 donation, you can buy literacy curriculum and materials for a woman for a whole year, enabling someone to read for the first time!  For $288, you can sponsor a woman to go through the whole program.  For more information about this project, please check it out here.

EMM

EMM is an organization based in the U.S. which sends workers all around the world.  One location in Ethiopia is the Meserete Kristos College, which allows both men and women to receive higher education and seminary training, allowing them to have a brighter future.  To learn more about this incredible opportunity, look here.

Jubilee Debt Forgiveness Campaign

In the poorest countries, often basic rights like healthcare and education are unable to be provided by the national government due to a lack of resources.  Unfortunately, decades of aid has led to insurmountable debts for these places.  Write your local representative or congressperson to ask them to support debt forgiveness for the poorest countries, allowing them to get a new start and provide for their own people.  To learn more, read here.

And finally, to see more about the Newsweek report on women's rights around the world in a short video, watch here.

I am blind to so many injustices that happen around the world, but I don't want this to be one of them.  I encourage you to learn more to support women (and men) around the developing world to gain access to basic human rights.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Martin Luther King Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail, April 16, 1963

Forgetting to Shake the Mustard - OR - Why the Most Obvious Things are the Easiest to Forget

Forgetting to shake mustard before pouring it:  why is it that the most obvious things are often the easiest to forget (as I groaned earlier when making lunch)?  Like a teacher I observed in college said to her students, "it's as easy as taking candy from a baby." (This was never a teaching strategy I was particularly fond of.) 

Another example of blindness to the obvious:  when I told myself this morning that I was going to let myself take a break, relax, veg a little, rest to catch up from the busy pace I've had lately; I should have realized that I was going to take myself up on it (obvious).  So later today, as I'm still feeling unmotivated, finally just now pulling out my schoolwork (although not even now, since I'm still blogging rather than studying!), and not yet wearing any makeup, I'm not sure why I feel so guilty.  I approved this slacking off! When giving in to a lack of motivation, it's not going to - poof! - transform into a sudden streak of uber-productiveness: that's obvious.

So I'm going to try to remember a few obvious things that I've obviously forgotten:
- If I decide to take a break, I should take the break and let myself enjoy it, rather than feel guilty throughout it.
- If I decide to take a break, I need to remember - I will not be surprisingly productive!
- Rest is good sometimes, and usually if you're almost going crash, it's good to pre-emptively institute a break before it happens.

More seriously, as I'm getting my perspective back on track, I'm also grateful for the chance I have to rest; and feel that I need to recognize those that don't often (or ever) have the same chance to do so:

Teachers : They work the longest hours outside of the workplace than anyone I know.  They basically live, breathe, and eat planning and thinking about their classrooms, and get paid (and thanked) very little for it.

The Working Poor : Have you noticed on the news lately that there are more and more statistics about the increasing poverty rate, the call for rethinking tax structures, and the number of people who are needing to have more than one job?  The gap between the rich and the poor is the largest it has been since the Great Depression.  The poor work in lower-paying jobs, pay higher percentages of their income in taxes, and yet still give a higher percentage to charity than the wealthy and middle-class(!).  It should be obvious that there's a problem if the poorest in our country are paying higher taxes and sharing more with others who are needy than those who are actually able to afford it with wiggle room to spare.

Share some money with an organization in your area, write a letter to a representative to support a higher tax on the wealthy, or volunteer an hour a week to an organization that works with the poor. 

Let's not let this become one of the obvious (and most important) things that we easily forget. 

America's Budget Crisis: Where Do We Go from Here?

As I was reading PRISM magazine today (a publication of Evangelicals for Social Action, out of Palmer Seminary, where I'll be attending this fall!), I came across an article about the United States budget crisis by Ron Sider, presider and founder of ESA, and the leader of the research center where I'll be working this coming year. The issue of the national budget deficit seems to consume the nightly news each day and prompt a series of back and forth evening "special broadcasts" from both political parties. However interested and informed I would like to be, I've started to get a little lost in the muddle of all the back-and-forth.

Reading Ron Sider's article today vividly highlighted the issues at stake in the midst of this "crisis" once again, and posed some challenging questions that we must decide as citizens, people of faith, and as voters and influencers of policy makers in our country. Although we are to quite a large degree removed from the large decisions that are made by our government, we do need to decide what we as citizens feel are the right issues to stand up for and speak out to our government about.

One of the most major issues that stands out to me is defense spending. Our country spent $815 billion on defense last year alone - almost as much as all other nations of the world combined. Members of the Tea Party and Republican party, along with many others, feel that it is right to prioritize spending toward our defense and national security. However, there are also many Americans that are beginning to question the excessiveness of this spending and whether our priorities should be so focused on our military over our citizens and their well-being, in areas other than their security. As a blanket statement, safety is important. However, to most citizens, and many of the citizens who are voiceless in issues that affect them the most deeply: poverty, lack of fresh and sufficient food, and unjust access to quality education and jobs, the issue of military spending and national security just do not rank highest for their survival.

Sider calls for defense cuts of at least $100 billion dollars a year, and I must agree with him. He also speaks of the necessity of cuts in all areas of spending, including some ineffective anti-poverty programs. Along with those cuts, I believe all Americans will need to make some sacrifices in their tax burden, particularly the middle class. It will not suffice for only those in the highest tax bracket to carry that burden - it simply will not cover the deficit significantly enough. In the light of higher tax burdens, which is a frightening thought for many middle-class Americans (myself included), this may need to be a call to all of us to do our part by living more simply, reevaluating where our priorities truly need to be, and how we can volunteer our time and money toward the organizations that are making a difference in the lives of those who are most affected by low budgets, little government support, and the lack of representation and a voice.

I know that many people do not agree with me in my priorities and political views, but I welcome conversation on these points and discussion about our nation's priorities and where we go from here.

What do you think? How should we seek to close the deficit in our national spending? Where must we look first?